1
00:00:09,470 --> 00:00:11,150
Relax. Why all the karate?

2
00:00:12,090 --> 00:00:13,990
It's pronounced karate, Mom.

3
00:00:14,270 --> 00:00:15,270
And I'm mad.

4
00:00:15,650 --> 00:00:18,910
Because California sucks. I don't want
to live here. I want to move back to

5
00:00:18,910 --> 00:00:19,910
Newark.

6
00:00:20,210 --> 00:00:21,290
Well, sweetie, we can.

7
00:00:21,850 --> 00:00:24,770
I can make up to ten grand a month
working at the clubs here.

8
00:00:25,190 --> 00:00:28,570
And once my website takes off and I
start doing movies, I can make that in a

9
00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:31,790
week. Now, come on. You're going to feel
better once you get laid.

10
00:00:32,110 --> 00:00:34,630
I know. I always feel better with a hot
cock in my mouth.

11
00:00:36,490 --> 00:00:40,250
I can't even leave this stupid
apartment. I hate it here, stupid

12
00:00:40,510 --> 00:00:41,510
Hi -yah!

13
00:00:41,870 --> 00:00:43,390
Aw, there, there, sweetie.

14
00:00:43,910 --> 00:00:47,470
You're going to feel much better once
you get laid. Let me help you.

15
00:00:51,290 --> 00:00:52,290
Here.

16
00:01:00,330 --> 00:01:01,450
Oh, hi.

17
00:01:02,310 --> 00:01:04,489
Hi. Oh, y 'all, that's my son.

18
00:01:04,849 --> 00:01:05,850
We took.

19
00:01:06,030 --> 00:01:07,490
He has an evil karate instructor.

20
00:01:08,230 --> 00:01:09,710
I thought he could show you some moves.

21
00:01:11,010 --> 00:01:14,550
Take that, douche. No mercy!

22
00:01:15,030 --> 00:01:17,830
Now I'm gonna go fuck your mom while you
sleep on that couch.

23
00:01:18,230 --> 00:01:20,710
Little shithead. You're gonna be a great
daddy.

24
00:01:21,350 --> 00:01:22,350
Shut up.

25
00:01:24,750 --> 00:01:25,750
I am.

26
00:01:26,550 --> 00:01:27,990
You're pretty bad at yourself, huh?

27
00:01:29,150 --> 00:01:30,150
Yeah.

28
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:47,200
Can you lift me up a little bit?

29
00:01:51,220 --> 00:01:55,020
I need

30
00:01:55,020 --> 00:02:02,280
to

31
00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:03,280
handle it.

32
00:03:50,190 --> 00:03:51,490
Get up. Get up.

33
00:03:51,870 --> 00:03:53,630
Get up.

34
00:07:11,060 --> 00:07:13,860
I don't know.

35
00:08:07,530 --> 00:08:08,610
I can't wait for this to rip me open.

36
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,090
Fuck your little holes.

37
00:08:12,010 --> 00:08:13,450
There you go.

38
00:08:14,750 --> 00:08:18,030
Oh my God.

39
00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:16,180
Oh, yeah.

40
00:10:17,580 --> 00:10:18,960
Oh, God.

41
00:16:41,070 --> 00:16:42,070
Thank you.

42
00:17:46,060 --> 00:17:50,620
Waiting on fly, wait a long time, no
fly.

43
00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:55,380
What to catch when fly, no fly.

44
00:17:57,600 --> 00:18:01,160
Unless, smarter than fly.

45
00:18:30,540 --> 00:18:31,540
What's your name?

46
00:18:32,700 --> 00:18:33,700
Daniel.

47
00:18:35,420 --> 00:18:36,420
Daniel.

48
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:38,280
Daniel, son.

49
00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:43,540
Catch more flies with shit than no shit.

50
00:18:59,690 --> 00:19:00,690
hand technique.

51
00:19:03,090 --> 00:19:09,410
I see now my mission.

52
00:19:10,050 --> 00:19:11,590
I can take you as my student.

53
00:19:12,210 --> 00:19:18,770
I shall be your sensei and teach you
what you wish to know.

54
00:19:29,389 --> 00:19:30,389
Think to my offense.

55
00:19:42,590 --> 00:19:44,510
Cobra Kai initiation ceremony, babe.

56
00:19:44,730 --> 00:19:45,930
Ever been with a Cobra Kai?

57
00:19:46,610 --> 00:19:47,610
Ever been with two?

58
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:05,200
Okay.

59
00:23:46,659 --> 00:23:48,060
Ow!

60
00:32:51,150 --> 00:32:52,150
No. No.

61
00:37:45,740 --> 00:37:47,520
fuck are you doing here? Who the fuck is
this?

62
00:37:47,740 --> 00:37:49,240
It doesn't matter. What are you doing
here?

63
00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:51,260
What do you mean it doesn't matter?
She's naked.

64
00:37:51,500 --> 00:37:52,600
It wasn't doing anything.

65
00:37:52,940 --> 00:37:54,280
Why don't you just get out of here?

66
00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:55,760
Did you fuck her?

67
00:37:56,840 --> 00:37:58,600
Did you fuck her? Did he fuck you?

68
00:37:59,020 --> 00:38:00,020
Yeah.

69
00:38:00,420 --> 00:38:01,680
You're a fucking cheating bastard.

70
00:38:03,240 --> 00:38:05,440
What do you mean I don't know anything?
You don't know anything.

71
00:38:05,720 --> 00:38:06,720
Hey,

72
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:09,280
don't talk to her like that, bro.

73
00:38:26,860 --> 00:38:27,860
Why don't you get out of here?

74
00:39:19,550 --> 00:39:21,690
Mr. McGee, I'm here to train.

75
00:39:22,170 --> 00:39:23,810
I'm here to get karate -sized.

76
00:39:43,490 --> 00:39:46,090
Hey, what was that move?

77
00:39:46,470 --> 00:39:47,770
Can you show me that?

78
00:39:56,300 --> 00:39:57,300
I ain't your friends.

79
00:39:57,780 --> 00:39:59,840
Look, man, I'm not gonna fuck your dick.

80
00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:02,280
Hey, no, fuck dick! Fuck dick!

81
00:40:02,820 --> 00:40:03,820
Fuck dick later!

82
00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:20,360
You must be... Lola.

83
00:40:32,110 --> 00:40:33,110
Took a whack on.

84
00:40:34,250 --> 00:40:35,810
Took a whack off.

85
00:41:51,030 --> 00:41:52,710
What are you doing?

86
00:41:53,810 --> 00:41:54,850
Never you in the mind.

87
00:41:56,870 --> 00:41:59,030
Yeah, but that's totally distracting.

88
00:41:59,270 --> 00:42:00,350
Never you in the mind.

89
00:42:00,890 --> 00:42:02,750
You just wax on, wax off.

90
00:42:03,990 --> 00:42:05,250
Totally distracting. Good.

91
00:42:05,610 --> 00:42:06,610
Did you focus?

92
00:42:07,670 --> 00:42:11,790
Everything that bothers you, causes
trouble, must be fixed.

93
00:42:12,830 --> 00:42:13,830
Yeah, but...

94
00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:14,960
What's wrong?

95
00:42:15,600 --> 00:42:16,459
What's wrong?

96
00:42:16,460 --> 00:42:18,060
But? No but?

97
00:42:18,360 --> 00:42:19,360
No but for you?

98
00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:51,260
Help me out. You show your golden
parachute.

99
00:42:52,060 --> 00:42:53,440
Yeah. Reach out.

100
00:43:27,050 --> 00:43:27,808
Wax off.

101
00:43:27,810 --> 00:43:28,810
Wax off.

102
00:43:41,630 --> 00:43:42,630
Wax off.

103
00:43:43,430 --> 00:43:48,270
Wax off. Wax off. Wax off. Wax off.

104
00:43:49,110 --> 00:43:50,110
Wax off.

105
00:43:50,170 --> 00:43:51,390
Wax off.

106
00:54:54,830 --> 00:54:59,710
That man put his udar noodle into your
mother's fishbowl.

107
00:54:59,990 --> 00:55:02,250
That man is evil karate teacher.

108
00:55:02,570 --> 00:55:05,970
A man who trained the boy who kicked
your ass.

109
00:55:06,210 --> 00:55:07,610
That bad guy.

110
00:55:09,790 --> 00:55:11,130
You need to stop him.

111
00:55:11,610 --> 00:55:14,190
I train you to stop him.

112
00:55:15,330 --> 00:55:22,170
You need to beat him and win heart of
girl and make little baby much yours.

113
00:55:23,490 --> 00:55:24,490
When's the tournament?

114
00:55:26,430 --> 00:55:27,430
Tomorrow.

115
00:55:28,770 --> 00:55:29,770
What?

116
00:55:30,370 --> 00:55:31,510
I mean,

117
00:55:32,250 --> 00:55:36,650
what happened to the whole, like,
montage of them, like, beating me up and

118
00:55:36,650 --> 00:55:40,050
like, look, I want to fight you in the
tournament. You can't touch me until we

119
00:55:40,050 --> 00:55:41,710
have the fight. What happened to all
that?

120
00:55:42,270 --> 00:55:43,270
No time.

121
00:55:43,390 --> 00:55:44,390
10 -page script.

122
00:55:44,490 --> 00:55:48,510
Only time for sex and barely enough time
for top technique.

123
00:56:22,030 --> 00:56:23,030
No more tea.

124
00:56:53,680 --> 00:56:54,680
The cock says you are ready.

125
00:56:55,220 --> 00:56:56,220
We're ready.

126
00:57:02,400 --> 00:57:09,200
I don't... I really...

127
00:57:09,200 --> 00:57:11,380
I don't want this guy, Walker. Hey!

128
00:57:12,040 --> 00:57:15,300
Hey! You're gonna do great, Daniel.
We're all rooting for you.

129
00:57:15,840 --> 00:57:16,880
Uh -uh. Okay.

130
00:57:18,080 --> 00:57:19,080
Oh.

131
00:57:19,360 --> 00:57:20,360
Sorry, I'm sorry.

132
00:57:29,520 --> 00:57:31,760
Welcome to our martial art competition.

133
00:57:32,140 --> 00:57:35,180
Our first fight from Cobra Khan.

134
00:57:35,920 --> 00:57:42,500
And from the Miyagi

135
00:57:42,500 --> 00:57:46,040
Dojo. Please welcome Daniel Tan.

136
00:57:47,580 --> 00:57:48,580
Fighter.

137
00:57:49,840 --> 00:57:51,320
What are you

138
00:57:51,320 --> 00:57:58,240
doing this dancing for?

139
00:59:46,920 --> 00:59:47,920
busted leg.

140
00:59:49,860 --> 00:59:52,040
Where's Mr. Miyagi? Where's my mom?

141
00:59:52,880 --> 00:59:54,020
You don't want to know.

142
00:59:57,980 --> 01:00:04,680
Look, I don't want you to die without
knowing what my vagina feels

143
01:00:04,680 --> 01:00:05,680
like.

144
01:00:06,660 --> 01:00:07,800
Take me, Danny.

145
01:00:09,060 --> 01:00:10,060
Take me.

146
01:00:12,240 --> 01:00:13,260
I'm a virgin.

147
01:00:14,060 --> 01:00:15,060
Me too.

148
01:01:30,290 --> 01:01:31,690
Oh.

149
01:01:56,839 --> 01:01:58,240
um

150
01:05:57,840 --> 01:05:58,840
Bye.

151
01:06:29,610 --> 01:06:30,610
Ah.

152
01:08:53,260 --> 01:08:55,420
You won't cry.

153
01:09:11,220 --> 01:09:13,260
Oh, my.

154
01:09:50,600 --> 01:09:53,580
Oh my god.

155
01:09:54,620 --> 01:09:55,780
Oh

156
01:09:55,780 --> 01:10:02,560
my

157
01:10:02,560 --> 01:10:04,920
god. Oh my god.

158
01:11:01,840 --> 01:11:03,080
Yeah.

159
01:11:07,060 --> 01:11:08,300
Yeah.

160
01:13:12,330 --> 01:13:14,110
I'm totally fine with you.

161
01:13:17,410 --> 01:13:18,930
I love you so much.

162
01:13:55,760 --> 01:13:56,760
Oh, my God.

163
01:13:57,040 --> 01:13:58,940
Oh, my God, it feels so good.

164
01:15:34,120 --> 01:15:35,120
Oh, God.

165
01:16:50,860 --> 01:16:51,860
Thank you.

166
01:17:45,320 --> 01:17:46,320
Women must leave.

167
01:17:46,580 --> 01:17:48,640
Fuck you. I'm not going anywhere.

168
01:17:49,780 --> 01:17:50,780
Very well.

169
01:17:53,000 --> 01:17:54,100
What are you gonna do?

170
01:17:55,240 --> 01:17:56,620
Prepare yourself, Goldenwood.

171
01:18:01,420 --> 01:18:02,420
Oh!

172
01:18:05,660 --> 01:18:06,660
Stay gold.

173
01:18:17,450 --> 01:18:21,890
Last martial art fight, unfortunately,
is a win by default.

174
01:18:22,370 --> 01:18:24,830
So from Cobra Khan, the winner...

175
01:18:24,830 --> 01:18:31,690
Okay, we have a fight after all.

176
01:18:32,010 --> 01:18:38,450
From Cobra Khan, this is Johnny versus,
from the Miyagi Dojo,

177
01:18:38,710 --> 01:18:40,410
Daniel Son.

178
01:18:44,890 --> 01:18:46,510
Fighters, take care of the other leg.

179
01:18:47,240 --> 01:18:48,500
You sure you wish to do this to your
son?

180
01:18:48,880 --> 01:18:50,700
Yeah. You wish no dishonor by leaving.

181
01:18:52,000 --> 01:18:53,740
Do not use golden parachute.

182
01:18:54,300 --> 01:18:55,840
And that's absolutely necessary.

183
01:18:56,440 --> 01:18:57,440
You ready? Why?

184
01:18:59,940 --> 01:19:02,280
Because if you do it wrong, it can kill
you.

185
01:19:02,500 --> 01:19:05,800
The scrotum's not meant to be stretched
out. Is the word there scrotum?

186
01:19:06,240 --> 01:19:07,240
Yummy.

187
01:19:11,500 --> 01:19:12,500
Hit him!